An interesting force has awoken inside of me. While running my last three races, I felt compelled to compete with others out on the course. In part, it was due to the small size of each race, and also due to ultrasignup.com predicting that I would place within the top five or ten finishers. The odds that I could actually place while having adequate competition thrilled me. The only other times I had placed in a marathon were: 1. I was the only female in my age group 2. I was 2/2 females in my age group. Not encouraging at all. A little fun, but not an indication that I accomplished something.
I've realized that being fast is something that makes me feel alive. It makes me feel strong, happy, and healthy. It boosts my self-esteem to place in an event. For me, it confirms that I have been training at a pace to make improvements in my running capabilities. That I haven't wasted my time by doing training runs. It's a great feeling when random people tell you that you look strong. That's probably my favorite compliment.
Since placing in the Run Under the Stars (RUtS), I have felt an excitement around running to place. For RUtS, I was extremely nervous and excited to run the race. I felt like it was an unknown for me sonce it would be my first timed race. I was nervous because I hadn't had the chance to test my ability purely on time. I wanted to perform well, and I wanted to learn proper fueling. I ran quite evenly, and I came in 5th place. This was huge for me!! I think ultrasignup.com predicted that I would finish 9th or 7th. When I finished, and was notified that I placed, I was elated!
For my next timed race, Loopy Bunny, I was a little less nervous, but still quite stressed. It would be my second timed race, this time on a trail. I performed well, and came in 5th place again. It was thrilling to beat out other seasoned runners who seemed to fade in the heat.
For my third timed race, HREC, I wasn't nervous or stressed at all. I just started running and knocked out loop after loop. I wanted to focus on maintaining an even pace, and simply attaining my mileage for the weekend. Once I saw that I was in 4th place, my competitive streak kicked in again. I wanted more than that. 4th is close to top 3!!! That's podium!! From then on, I felt like I was running much faster throughout the night. I wanted to keep up with the lead lady. She pushed me to kick my own butt and run faster. I wound up with 2nd place female and 4th overall. Again, it felt pretty nice to place ahead of so many other runners.
I didn't actually think that I would like trail running. I thought that ultra running would be too hard for me. I thought that I would dislike trail and ultra running together. I thought that road races were my thing. It's funny how so many things can change in such a short course of time. I've learned that I'm pretty darn good at timed races on a looped course. I like the solitude and scenery of the trails. I like the moments when I find myself running alone in the woods. I like how gentle the trail feels on my ankles when I run. These recent revelations are my new truth. You truly never know what you're capable of doing until you try. Super cheesy, but damn, it's true.
My concern now is that need to remember the ultimate goal: completing my first 100mi race. I don't want to become injured because I pushed myself unnecessarily while chasing the podium. The process has its own rewards, mostly making me stronger. I need to respect the training schedule, and not push my body too hard, too soon. This act of holding myself back now seems to be a difficult task. One thing my running history has taught me is that injuries are no fun. This is what I'll keep in mind the next time I start to stray from my goal.
